A Weasley Wizarding Wheeze
by acceptable
Summary: Fred and George show off their wares to the Gryffindor common room. Read for an overload of managed mischief, Ronbashing, and awful alliteration!


**A Weasley Wizarding Wheeze**

by Autumn-371

Disclaimer: Unfortunately HP does not belong to me. But I can still dream!

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"Ah-hem" Fred cleared his throat loudly, interrupting the idle chatter of the Gryffindors lounging around in the common room. He waved his arms wildly from his precarious position on top of a rickety chair, in a further attempt to gain the crowds attention. 

From his rather safer position on the ground, George couldn't help but snicker as he noticed Fred wobble slightly. Thankfully, Fred managed to regain his balance before the Gryffindor common room was treated to an impromptu show of free fall acrobatics.

"Gather round, ladies and gentlemen, gather round!" called Fred, in his best attempt at a circus ringmaster, "Today we, that is , the wonderful, weird and well dressed Weasley wizarding duo.." Fred paused there, "Did I forget one?" he enquired off George.

"Wacky, you forgot wacky," George protested, shaking his head in mock annoyance.

"Ah yes." Fred nodded, clearing his throat to start again. "We, that is, the wonderful, weird, wacky and not to mention well dressed Weasley wizarding duo have more Weasley Wizarding Wheezes to bring to your wise, woolly and no doubt wheely wild wits."

George sneaked a look around the common room and fought another grin as the large majority of the room's occupants were standing there, mouths half open, brains obviously working overtime to process the insane amounts of alliteration the twins had come up with. Not without the help of a thesaurus though and, of course, Hermione.

"Hey!" The protest issued from the mouth of one, Ronald Weasley, nitwit younger brother to not only the wonderful, weird, wacky and not to mention well-dressed Weasley wizarding twins but their three older brothers as well. No, honestly.

"Yes, Ronald darling?" Fred trilled in his best impression of their mother.

"'Really' does not begin with a W." Ron stated firmly.

George grinned (the obvious alliteration to tempting to pass up on.) "Of course it doesn't," he agreed still grinning madly, "Wheely, Ron, wheely. Not really."

Fred raised a hand to forestall the groans issuing from the Gryffindors. "Moving on." he announced decisively, "We have an approved assortment of wonderful wares to bring to your admirable attentions today, as will be demonstrated by our lovely assistant!…What?"

George shook his head, "We don't have a lovely assistant, or any assistant for that matter. Remember?" he hissed, "Lee refused to drink that polyjuice potion we made with the vela hair we, ummm…acquired."

"Oh yes!" Fred's eyes lit up with the memory of Lee Jordan running out of Gryffindor tower as fast as his long legs could carry him. Turning back to the crowd he continued. "Uh, sorry about that. Change of plan. Our wonderful wares will be demonstrated by none other than my terrific twin George!"

George joined in Fred's hearty clapping for a moment before realising what his terrible twin had said. "What?" he exclaimed, stopping short.

Ignoring this, Fred blithely continued on. "First up, we have… Gravity Defying Shoes!"

Silence followed this fanfare.

"George!" hissed Fred into the silence.

More silence followed.

"George!" Fred practically yelled.

Looking murderous, George muttered, "Alright, alright." He scrabbled with a pair of shiny shoes for a moment before standing up straight and fixing Fred with a fierce glare.

Fred blinked. Something was odd. George was at his eye-level. Not that this was unusual: identical twins do have a tendency to be, well, identical, which normally includes being of the same height. But… Ah that was it.

Glancing down, Fred noticed that George was hovering about a foot above the ground. Perfect.

"Gravity Defying Shoes!" beamed Fred, gesturing at George, "For all those times you wish you were just that little bit taller, all you have to do is inconspicuously mutter the spell _risio_ while wearing such a pair of shoes as these and voila! You float above the ground, making it appear (as long as no-one looks at the ground) that you are, in fact, taller than you were."

A round of applause greeted this announcement and a few of the smaller first years were looking hopefully in their wallets for a few spare galleons or sickles.

Feeling he should do his bit of the talking, George offered, "These scrumptious shoes will be available to buy after our super show!"

"Indeed." nodded Fred.

George muttered the counter spell and promptly collapsed on the ground in an untidy heap.

"Weasley Wizarding Wheezes are not liable for any damage caused during use of our products." Fred hurriedly added, "And onto our next product…Lumos Extremos!"

Kicking the offending shoes off, George stood up, pulled a small tube out of his pocket and brandished it proudly. "Lumos Extremos!"

Fred reached down and plucked the tube from his twin's hand. "Simply fix the tube onto the end of your wand, like so. And now a bright light of your colour choice will accompany any spell you cast, blinding your opponent and allowing you time to either win the fight or run away as fast as you can."

For the demonstration, Fred waved his wand wildly into the crowd. The brightest blue light anyone could remember ever seeing blinded the students momentarily. Repeated blinking was in order to remove the bright blue light etched onto their retinas, by the majority of the students. One second year, however, could only squawk as Fred's spell had transfigured his head into a Canary's.

"We will be selling them half price to students who intend to use this device on Filch in order to prevent being caught out of bed after curfew." added George to a chorus of cheers.

Fred and George exchanged grins before declaring together, "And for our fantastic ally funny finale…"

Both twins brandished garishly coloured devices that looked suspiciously like Muggle water pistols. "Ta-Dah!" they exclaimed in unison.

"But they're just muggle water shooters." The voice of reason once again belonged their nitwit younger brother.

Hermione looked up from her heavy textbook, sighed and shook her head in exasperations, "Pistols, they're called water _pistols_, Ron. Not water shooters"

"Oh." Ron looked like he was thinking rather hard for a moment. "Yeah, them. Water _Pistols_."

Fred had a knowing smile, "Ah, but these aren't just ordinary muggle water pistols."

George frowned, "Uh, yeah they are Fred."

Refusing to be set back by this piece of information, Fred continued on without missing a beat, "Ah, but these are indeed ordinary muggle water pistols."

There was a brief silence as the Gryffindor students got their heads around this piece of information.

Ron frowned, "So there's nothing special about them, they're just ordinary muggle water pistols?"

"Yep!" beamed Fred.

Everyone's confusion only grew.

George swiftly stepped in to explain. "It's not the water pistols themselves that are our prized products. It's the water you put in them!"

Fred nodded and pulled a vial of clear liquid out of his pocket. "It looks like water, it _is_, in fact, water. However if you add a small amount of our peculiar potion, like so," Both twins demonstrated this action, "Whisper the name of intended target, for example…" Again, both twins bent over their water pistols and whispered… "Ronald Weasley. Then all you have to do is point, aim and…shoot!"

Identical jets of water squirted out of the identical twins' identical water pistols. The water seemed to hang in the air for a moment before shooting off in the same direction and narrowing in on none other than Ronald Weasley.

Ron had time for a terrified squeak (which he may well have meant as an angry squeak) before being soaked to his skin. No one else was hit by even a drop of water.

The common room burst into peals of laughter, even Hermione having to hide a grin behind the top of her tedious textbook. "Ah," Fred sighed, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, "Yes. The Mono water pistol. Only your designated target gets wet."

George, still snickering, added, "As long as there are no barriers in the way of your target, the water will still find him or her. Perfect hit ratio guaranteed!"

Fred pulled George up onto the chair with him, ignoring the ominous creaking. "And that…" Fred began.

"…,Ladies and Gentlemen of Gryffindor,…" continued George,

"…was our demonstration… "

"…of Weasley Wizarding Wheezes' wonderful wares…"

"…to your wise, woolly and wheely wild wits…"

"…brought to you by…"

"…the wonderful, weird, wacky and well dressed…"

"…Weasley wizarding duo!" they finished together in a shout.

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The End.


End file.
